Homeostasis: The tendency of the body to seek and maintain a condition of balance of equilibrium within its internal environment, even when faced with external changes.
I ache for it – homeostasis.
May I tell you a true story? Once upon a time… A woman lived a life lacking life, and when life lacks life – abundant, healthy life – the soul shrinks in pain. But she took a journey up…
One night about four years ago I began my normal nighttime routine, and as I turned the lights out I began to notice something wasn’t right. Please understand me, this was not some sort of anxiety attack or fear issue. No, it was a physiological response to something, though I had no idea what. My heart was racing; I felt cold, but in a weird way: my stomach felt cold and no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get it to warm up. I could feel a rise in my blood pressure and my insides felt torturously hyper. I was completely unable to sleep, and this craziness continued for 18 hours straight. The unrest made my insides ache sore.
Oh, how I wish it had never happened again.
But as the months and years passed, it continued, and with it came more fun stuff: things like tachycardia and irregular heartbeat (especially after eating); breathing issues, acid reflux, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, weakness, anxiety, ringing in the ears, eye floaters, migraines, low blood sugar, sinus inflammation, and insomnia. Believe me when I tell you, that to go through this is a special kind of torment. And, yes, I had medical testing. Other than my celiacs disease and some food intolerances, my tests came back normal. But “normal’ was the last word I would’ve used to describe my health.
Yeah, it’s been a real picnic. Except, not. Because four years of this with zero answers makes a girl wanna straight up cry. But when I thought I couldn’t take another minute of it, parts of it seemed to subside…for like a year and a half. And then –
March 2017. One single bite of a hamburger sends my heart into irregular heartbeats, and it’s all back with a vengeance. The next two days are filled with an array of scary attacks to my body, as tachycardia is nonstop. My Natural Doc puts me on a whole food based magnesium supplement and tells me to take it every two hours to calm my system down, and thank God , it works really well. But it’s still there,lingering in the background, and when I am not looking it sneaks back up. Like in the middle of the night when I’m in a deep sleep and I wake up to this junk. And from here it gets interesting…
Back in November of last year God began doing something in me. I crossed a threshold in my faith and prayer life and I sensed God wanting compete surrender from me – something I had been unable to commit to…ever. But gradually I was able to let go and let God have me. This journey has been a journey to the Cross for me. I needed to be brought to a place where God could teach me about the nails of His Cross, because it is here that the flesh is reckoned crucified and dead, and new life can begin to be walked out. These past few months have been plain bad in so many ways, but I have learned so many deep spiritual truths during it and now I know, really know, who I am in Christ and what my authority in Him consists of. For example, there have been times during all of this, that God has revealed to me that, yes, even in the midst of the weird health thing, there have also been times where Satan has hidden behind these issues and attacked my body deceitfully…but God…
God is the ultimate Teacher and His word never gets old. It is applicable and alive and it has been my lifeline. I am learning to not trust anything (not even my symptoms, as the devil can masquerade as a physical attack and if I am not in continual dependance on the Holy Spirit, I can give ground to him), except for Christ and Him crucified.
“Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept Thy word.” (Psalm 119:67)
My broken body has been a house for affliction, but it is in this affliction that I have learned to yield in ways that I have never been able. For years and years I have completely struggled – and I mean struggled! – to be able to rise early in the morning to spend time with the Lord when the sun comes up…alone. I have lived in a sort of bondage to my own selfishness and although “my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak”, and it has been this flesh that I have yielded to. But now, through all of the sleepless nights, I have grown to love the mornings when the sun is coming up over the mountains! Now, whether I have slept well or not, I cannot wait to get up and watch the sun, while worshipping the Son! This is just one example of something that God, through this affliction, has delivered me from. Things I have struggled with for years, are finally being dealt with in the supernatural realm, leaving me delivered and victorious, and all I can do is bow down and worship the King because “He works all things together for good…”
A few days ago I spoke to one of my best friends, who is a doctor, on the phone, and as we discussed my health, he realized something he hadn’t previously, and it was as if a light bulb came on….I’ve been praying for a breakthrough. After this phone call I did a little research and went to see a doctor in my area and after all these years, and all the torment, we believe we may know the cause. Are you ready for this? It is believed that I have a hiatal hernia and that as my stomach is pushing up on my heart and pinching the vagus nerve, this is causing my heart to go crazy, which in turn is causing a whole lot of other symptoms. In addition to that, my gut is filled with candida! This candida overgrowth has a direct relationship with the hernia causing health issues that in turn cause my stomach to “push up” out if its place. Both the hernia and the candida issue are overlooked and the seriousness of both elude most doctors. But thankfully – (yes, thank you, God) – He has led me to two godly natural doctors who were willing to dig a little deeper and refused to slap a label on me while prescribing a bunch of pharmaceuticals that would only mask what was really going on. I am not out of the woods yet, as these things will take time to address and heal, but I am grateful for a fresh start to begin the process.
All of this, for me, goes full circle back to one very important, life-changing thing: surrender. After all the years of watching loved one after loved one pine away with horrible things like cancer – after watching them, even from the time I was a small child – die horrible deaths and suffer into shells of their former selves. After standing at their caskets and looking at their marred and abused bodies – I guess at some point something inside of me crumbled and the wounds that presented themselves never healed. I became terrified of anything that threatened my health and that fear has kept me, for many years now, from being able to completely surrender to God…especially in the area of health. I held on so tightly and refused to surrender this part of my life to God, and holding on only made this journey more difficult. I made full surrender several months ago, but now God is having me live it out. There are days when I have to do some serious dying to self and come to the Cross and leave it all there, but gradually I am learning to do 3 very important things:
1. Surrender and yield to God. Doing so has filled me with a peace that surpasses understanding.
2. Resist the devil. I refuse to bow under the fake crosses of the devil. If there is suffering that the Lord has for me,I accept it from His hand, but I refuse to accept and yield to anything the devil puts in my path to deceive me into thinking it is from God. My new motto: if it’s from God, I choose it; if it’s from the devil, I refuse it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. See more about this here: https://www.facebook.com/onceuponatimegirl/videos/1939648622931965/
3. Make healthful choices and decisions that will benefit myself and my family for years to come. I refuse to be a slave of the mainstream medical system. Other than emergency medical issues, over all, they have failed. There is surely a better way.
My journey continues. And as I walk the path to healing – spiritually and physically – I am holding the hand of God. Some days I feel like a little girl, and as I place my tiny hand in His, the hurt melts and the fears flee.
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)